tiaramerchgirl: (Default)
Yesterday we went around Boulder - the same area we went to during the weekend. We first went to the Celestial Seasonings tea factory, one of the more well-known tea companies in the country. I kind of had the impression that they were more about the advertising than the tea though. The tea tasted ok, and I bought a tea sampler and some honey sticks (yum). Hopefully they'd go over well. I wanted to get some Jelly Belly jellybeans but they weren't cheap and I decided to wait till later.

We then had pizza for lunch - the ironic thing was that it was in a place (Old Chicago) that was known for its beer. We're not allowed to drink much. I'm surprised no one started ordering kegs.

We then went on a scavenger hunt around Boulder. Instead of looking for stuff all the time, we had to answer various questions and do random things. The poor police station, Info Booth, and NCAR were inundated by our questions and phonecalls...hats off to them for going beyond their duty to help us!

(I think the library people were fed up with us though. Meep.)

We had a talk from someone about gangs and subcultures, and when she came in, she brought in books about Satanism. At first I thought "Oh no! She's going to be all panicky and spread rumours and hysteria worse than the Black Metal scare!" but actually she was rather calm about it. Danni brought up the point about Satanism being more about accepting the dark side of human nature and not about Satan worship - THANK YOU DANNI - and she acknowledged that, which was good. She did touch on the other subcultures, such as Paganism and Goths and such, but not much; therein still lies confusion.

Danni, Baljit, Ana, Melissa, and I had pretty interesting conversations about a lot of things. Religious beliefs, how our local government deals with them, being homesick (or not), plans for the future, stage fright...all kinds. It was great to have these conversations out; it helped us learn more about ourselves. Ana, like me, is a bit of a nomad - we don't like to settle down in one place. Yay!

We were supposed to know who won the scavenger hunt (and the icecream) today, but that didn't happen. Oops.

Nanu is here! I became her buddy for the day and showed her around. Her luggage was still stuck in Nepal, the poor girl. She got a bit confused - who wouldn't be? - and she still needs to catch up, but I think she'll do well.

We called Joyce live on Skype from Taiwan - quite fun, that! She's now in the finals and we'll know how it goes in about 3 to 4 days. We may also have a girl from Russia coming in but that's really on the periphery.

More intership stuff (yay binders!) - I and Peder have been assigned to set up the Admissions booth during the Whisks. We may also man the booths later, after our Whisks.

Speaking of Whisks - Nina hasn't posted up the list of who does what, but she will tomorrow. And apparently, she didn't know what to do with me. First she put me in movement and dance (I STILL do not know why), and then she heard me do backup vocals for the WorldSmart Band and now she wants me to do vocals instead. And possibly rhythm. Now rhythm I can understand (I rock the percussions, yo) but vocals? Of all the things...

I don't know if this means I have multiple talents or if I have no talent whatsoever.

We had some more activities - one involved finding out what we all had in common. That got chaotic pretty quickly (especially when there was a competition between Chris & Peder vs The Rest Of Us). The other activity was Take A Stand...a sentence is read out, and you stand at a certain side of the room depending on your side and opinion.

The one that affected me the most was the one on same-sex marriage. I'm pro-same-sex-marriage partly because I believe love is love and no one should be stopped from marrying each other with consent and respect between them, but also because I myself am pansexual - I fall in love and am attracted to people regardless of gender. I could see myself with a wife instead of a husband someday. However, there were people that were against same-sex marriage. That didn't upset me. What upset me was that some of the people on that side were people I had really bonded with during the program.

How will they feel about me now that we know how we stand on things? Will they still accept me? Will they avoid me? What will override their choice - their beliefs, or their relationship with me so far? I've had close friendships break apart because of some part of my life that my ex-friends could not accept. I've had family relationships disturbed because there was a part of me they couldn't accept. What of now? Do I really know them? Will they ostracize me? Will I end up ostracizing them?

Speaking of family. I know my parents read this journal and I'm sure they're near to a heart attack at this moment. I just want to say this: Mum and Dad, this is who I am. I am not harming myself or anyone else. Keep whatever beliefs you have if you want. I only wish for you to accept me as who I am, without judgement or condemnation. This is me.

Sigh. I'm already getting "notes" about safety and stuff just because of what I wrote in the last entry. IT'S ALL OKAY. I just wonder how they'll react to this one.

Neshat and Brandy (who were on the other side) told me that they'd still accept me regardless, which was good to hear. Neshat even gave me a hug because she thought I was brave for speaking up about it (thank you). However, it is from the people that I was most worried about that I have not heard a thing. How now?

Things are strange.

Tomorrow - Community Impact! Our group will be fixing up a computer lab. And perhaps we'll know who won the icecream.
tiaramerchgirl: (Default)
For the past 5 to 10 minutes I've been practising the dance for Unspoken Words. It's really complicated; precise moves executed at the split second, loads of complex turns that I keep stumbling on, one move I swear I've forgotten. My feet (the right one especially) is aching and I'm frustrated that I can't seem to get this right.

As it is, I've also got the Expo Dance, and all the other random dances, to learn and perfect. I don't have the music for the rest of them, so it's a bit difficult, and I keep crashing into lamps whenever I practice those. But I'm trying.

Maybe I'm just moody because it's That Time Of The Month and my hormones have once again gone haywire. Or maybe I'm tired. But I just can't seem to get these dances right, and it's stressing me. It's the first time since I got here that I'm feeling stressed, and I'm a bit worried really.

There has to be a reason why I'm in the dance team to begin with. From what I gather, they look mainly at your interest and comfort level, followed by talent and experience. I enjoy dancing, I'm comfortable with dancing on stage or in public or wherever. Not shy. But this isn't just random dancing; this is serious, coordinated, steps-and-all dance. The last time I did that sort of dance was two years ago and that was for about four months. I'm not a pro. Everyone else is getting it but I'm stuck.

But yet - I've been slotted into the dance workshop. Sure, no guarantees that I'll actually be performing any of these, but it's a step closer. And there has to be a reason why I'm here and not in, say, something as blatantly obvious as public speaking. Do JC, Hiroko, Nina, and the rest want me to challenge myself? Do they really think I can actually do this? Do they think I have potential? Why am I here?

There has to be a reason for me doing this, besides "oh we couldn't figure out where to put you so let's slot you in randomly". Has to be. I can't give up, not now. I have to still keep on working. Even if I haven't the slightest clue why I'm doing this, or whether I really will be doing this on the Celebrations anyway.

Today we went around downtown Boulder - there was an Asian fair going on. Malaysia and Bangladesh weren't represented; oddly, Madagascar was. I found two metaphysical shops there - one mainly based on books and print material, another on herbs and tools and such. I bought a Bat's Head Root, which apparently make your wishes come true; I just got it because of the whole bat connection. And some faerie dust (glitter) as well. They gave me an engraved blessing candle for free, which was cool. I know the prices probably weren't worth it, but hey, it's something interesting at least. Especially in a shop with a parrot-relative named Romeo who thinks he's a lion.

I just hope the Bat Head's Root will grant my wishes of actually getting these dances right. Please let all this effort be worth it.

I went back to the WorldSmart YahooGroup and saw the photos people put up...it's interesting to revisit them after seeing the actual people in comparison. Especially the photo of the staff; before, it was just a set of random faces. Now it's actual people, with voices and ideas and dreams.

Speaking of the staff: they seem to be really physical at times. Pats on the back and shoulder, high fives, winks, "hello baby" (apparently something Tom tells everyone). I don't know if they're just being really friendly or if they're flirting with me. (It's amusing, at least)

I'll probably be off making some air bandung now; we found some rose syrup at the World Market (yet another place without representation from Malaysia or Bangladesh). It has lime in it, so it'll be a very interesting taste and experience.

At least something to sweeten my mind for now.

(Oh yeah and another thing: does anyone know where else I can promote this? I'd like to have some more people reading this, just to meet new folk and have someone to chat with about the whole thing. Thanks.)

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Creatrix Tiara

September 2020

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