tiaramerchgirl: (Default)
My series of flights begins tomorrow, Wednesday morning, at around 11 am, from Johor Bahru to Kuala Lumpur. From there, I will fly to Los Angeles at around 3 pm.

I'm not sure if I will be updating this log between now and my arrival in LA, so don't expect any entries for about two days at least.

The last two assignments have come in. One about leadership, and the other about any general questions we had. The leadership assignment stumped me a little; they asked about your leadership role models, and if anything you read recently had any connection to your thoughts on leadership. My role models tend to be lone rangers; they neither lead nor follow, they just do what they want to do. If anyone wants to join them, great...but they don't need anyone with them to survive. They're self-sustainable.

I will need a great deal of self-sustainability to survive - not just WorldSmart, but everything after that. I don't want to rely on anything or anyone. Almost everytime I do so, it has ended in folly. Best to keep control to myself, so I can keep track of it.

It's the fast track to insanity, but I'm already pretty much crazy so that doesn't make much of a difference.

I brought up the issue of religion and religious freedom in WorldSmart, spurred on by the "cult" concerns mentioned in the previous entry. Let's see what their response is to that. I don't think it'll be too drastic or horrible...but a little reassurance is nice sometimes.

I am licensing this log under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license. This means that you are free to distribute this log, or any of its entries, anywhere (and heck, remix and parody it if you want) as long as you:

* Attribute it to Tiara Shafiq
* Provide a link to http://www.livejournal.com/users/upwithtiara
* Provide the same license in your distribution
* Not use this for commercial purposes without my permission - i.e. don't publish this log into a book and sell it without my permission, don't use it to advertise something, and so on

There is an exception to the NonCommercial thing. Newspapers and magazines are free to syndicate this log in their publications, as long as I am credited, there is a link to this log, and I am notified about it.

I'm not sure if there are any newspapers or magazines that want to syndicate this, but if you want to, go ahead - just credit me, link this, and tell me about it.

I'll catch you in Los Angeles. Till then, take care everyone.

Here goes.

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.

tiaramerchgirl: (Default)
In about two to three days, I will be flying off to LA, recuperating from jetlag at a relative's place before going to Denver and starting this.

I always imagined this point in time to be rather chaotic; excited squeals, appeals for last-minute advice, impatience and nervousness peppered with hilarity and good cheer. Good chaos.

Well, it has been chaotic; not in a good way though.

Things are going absolutely haywire. Never mind the events that happened before; now we have bodily injuries (thankfully not mine, but still really unfortunate - send some healing vibes for my best friend please, she broke her toe) and some drama with my college with regards to supplementary work. That's already very suspicious as it is; it looks like the beginnings of a conspiracy. Once I may have been more involved in, had I not been flying off. As it is, they want me (and many others) to rewrite an essay that by all accounts was already fine, and they want it now. Sorry, but I don't have time.

This fiasco with college is making me wonder if I even want to return. The main reason I even entered college to begin with was so I could get people to shut up and stop bugging me about it. I've never believed in grades, in the idea that a piece of paper can determine everything about you. I find the notion of college as a "necessity" to be highly overrated.

Sure, talk about the experience. Tell me that I'll get experiences and knowledge that I won't get anywhere else. Thing is, a lot of the most worthwhile experiences have nothing to do with college. About the only thing I could credit college for at this point was to bring me to some of my closet friends, one of whom is definitely a soul brother (if not a soul mate)...but he's gone away now, to another part of the globe. Anyone else I've been close to are either gone, or graduated. Even my newsletter is defunct. There really isn't a point in me staying.

This fiasco with college has me really disillusioned about the whole thing. Not that I had any illusions about it; but this was really the last straw. Look at this WorldSmart trip! College had nothing to do with this! They wouldn't even support me! I'm doing this on my own! Heck, I didn't need college to land me an interview with the Prime Minister. I didn't need college to get me a webmistressing gig with the coolest person on the planet (as far as I'm concerned). I didn't need college to get me the best times of my life.

I fail to see how all my experience could possibly fade to a random scrap of paper...one with really suspect information, considering what has happened to get those grades in the first place. These grades are not a reflection of anything true.

But enough of college.

I'm honestly rather drained. I haven't the energy to be all excited about it. Everything that has happened in the past couple of weeks have zapped me of any energy. I'm trying hard to stay excited and upbeat about WorldSmart, but it's getting hard to even write anything in my paper journal about it. Let alone anything else.

It doesn't help that I have just received a message from some anonymous person (or annoying moose, as I like to call them) saying Up With People (the people behind WorldSmart and also its predecessor) is a Christian cult. Now I'm aware of its Christian background - for one thing, the US Embassy has told me that. And hey, not everyone gets to sing in front of the Pope. They did have some sort of history with a very conservative group, but no longer.

Thing is though, there has been no major mention of morality or religion or whatever in the 9 months of so that I've been interacting with WorldSmart. The only mentions (besides the US Embassy's note) were an optional section in the form for our religion (I suppose to gauge dietary and habitual restrictions), and the assignment results handed in from people that were open to discuss faith. (I know I'm not the only non-Christian on board.) They did visit a synagogue in a previous semester, but no propaganda or anything. They've been pretty open about it. If they wanted to convert us, they'd have done so by now.

I am still feeling a little bit apprehensive. It doesn't even have anything to do with the religion, but there may just be a clash of opionions, a clash of morals and values. It's inevitable, of course. Everyone is different. But hopefully they won't villify me just out of my very liberal views. Let us be who we are.

A few people on the list have come up with some pet projects for WorldSmart. One of them, Katie, is planning on doing a documentary. I suggested her a Six-Degrees style, following people rather than places...while she's never seen Six Degrees before, she quite likes the idea; it fits in with another idea she has. There's someone else, I think her name is Huning, from China who is also intrigued with the documentary. Perhaps we three can team up and create our own Six Degrees show...though I doubt Lonely Planet would want to buy it. Then again...you never know sometimes...

At least the documentary makes for an excellent independent project. Anyone who wants to gain college credit can claim 3 credits (out of 12) for an independent project. I'm thinking of using the documentary as such a project - I've suggested it to Katie but she hasn't responded yet - but even if that doesn't pan out, I have ideas for my own project: research on traditions.

I am a big fan of traditions, superstitions and folklore. Always have been since I could remember. (Imagine my utter surprise when I found a GIANT book of folklore in our secondary school library. Of all places. It definitely brought my interest back.) With all the places we're visiting, I hope I find a family that still retains tradition, but not in the "conservative fundamentalist" sense; rather, a family that still has its own superstitions of days to sweep the house or charms for good luck or faeries running around the backyard. They don't even need to be completely Pagan (though that would be nice); just a little hint of what their families believed in.

It would be utterly fascinating, finding out such beliefs. And perhaps incorporating them into my own life.

Speaking of families and projects and assignments - the third assignment has come and gone; all about host families. Expectiations, plans, so on. I think whoever is hosting me will be somewhat shocked - hello loud and hyper crazy witchy woman! Then again, I become really, really awkward in people's houses. It doesn't matter how long I've known them for; I still feel awkward. It feels almost intrusive, like stepping into private property (even if they invite you in). Very strange.

It feels like you're walking in on something private and magical and mystical that has been part of their lives for as long as they have lived. Deep bonds that cannot be broached by outsiders and intruders. They could accept me into their family, even if only for a week; but there are some bonds and things that we sometimes can't break into, even if for a while.

Hopefully I'll get rid of this house block soon. I do have to figure out how to do the laundry while I'm there.
tiaramerchgirl: (Default)
So we have completed the first assignment, and have just received the second.

The first assignment went all right - I did end up initially with too many people, but the grouping situation sorted itself out and soon I was teamed up with Diana from Columbia and Kim from Korea. Initially I thought they would be rather quiet, but instead I found them rather happy-go-lucky and even cheeky (what with Kim's contant opening line of "Call me K, because K stands for Korea, Kim, and I want to Kiss you! Kidding!").

Of course, their personality online and in person may differ greatly. And there would be a major difference between first impressions and jetlagged-week-16-trip impressions. Much needs to be seen.

The first assignment, as mentioned previously, was all about similarities and differences; what do we have in common? What don't we have in common? What were the common themes between all of us - not just the group members but also in WorldSmart as a whole? Kim even came up with a brilliant Excel spreadsheet to collate all our information; at least we were organized.

We came from different backgrounds - we were in different parts of the globe, I was the only one who has yet to graduate from college, we have different faiths, Kim was the only guy. But we also did have things in common - besides a rather jolly attitude, we were also committed to non-profits and NGOs (Diana's with a local group, El Cinco, while Kim is an intern with UNESCO) and we all liked meeting different cultures.

There's so much more that perhaps we do not know of each other yet. Perhaps we have a shared similarity of coping methods for jetlag. Perhaps we all have wildly different tastes in music. Perhaps two of us are fans of the same thing. I'll only know once I get there and actually meet them in person.

Kim wasn't the only flirt on the group...Yoga apparently listed "I am cute (and you're not - kidding)" in his group' "differences" profile. This soon led to "being cute" listed as a similarity instead. Well, there are some fine-looking people in our crew, I'll tell you that much.

The second assignment was all about our goals - in life, with WorldSmart, personally and professionally. The timing of this was rather significant, as I had been reconsidering my goals and aims in life for some time.

So much is changing around me. Interests, relationships, situations. I'm starting to wonder if I still want to go ahead with my dreams, or if my dreams have changed somewhat. My closest relationships are changing. The world is changing. And I'm not sure I can cope with it all.

The past few days I've been in tears; I couldn't handle all these curveballs. I was freaking out. What was I doing? What have I signed on too? What am I leaving behind? What will I be returning to? Will all my loved ones still be here for me when I return? Or will they move on with their own lives, leaving me behind this time? What do I have to do when I return - will there be anything to do?

My goals in life are not clear-cut, not specific. My life has never been specific; it doesn't work that way anyway, something always pops up and knocks your plan upside the head. I do have some sort of an idea of what I want to do, to try, to experiment; I just haven't quite figured out how. In the subjects and fields I'm interested in, it's not easy to plan and book a certain pathway; it's all up to other people, to circumstances. Things can change so easily.

I've caught myself in mid-change and I'm not sure I can handle it.

It took a while for me to complete the second assignment (amidst ongroup chaos of "I need partners!" and "d we need to team up for Assignment 2?" and general grazing of lost sheep), but I did eventually complete it. A mix of sincerity and randomness, trying to make myself sound more coherant than I usually am. Because "I'm not sure what exactly my goals are and I don't think I ever will" isn't exactly the best answer.

I finally recieved The Handbook - or what my dad likes to call The Fingerbook. It is rather thin; I was expecting a larger tome full of rules and regulations. (I will get my hands on larger tomes eventually, as there seems to be some textbooks I need to buy. Darn.)

It was usual information, nothing too unusual - except perhaps for their packing list (similar to the one the Japan office gave me) which emphasised on passports and thank-you cards but mentioned nothing about underwear. Hmm. There were also some information on drugs, alcohol, harrassment...general safety information along the lines of "DON'T DO THAT OR WE'LL BUMP YOU OFF".

This was followed up by a list of General Expectations, sent via email, and I was amused to see information about curfews (don't stay out too late alone) and sex (don't have sex with other WorldSmart crew as it may get too complicated). It's sensible information, nothing along the lines of Bob Jones University or any public university in Malaysia, but I wonder how exactly do they expect to enforce the rules on a group of 18 to 29 year olds, many of whom are out of college and already working. I'm sure there's bound to be one infraction somewhere. It's just the Law of the International Study Trip.

Rob, the person who sent the email from long ago, also made his rounds of phonecalls; I received one from him yesterday morning. We spent about 50 minutes talking about whatever came to mind for WorldSmart - good idea to bring a laptop but forget the printer (and people do ask this); this is not a tourist trip so don't expect to laze around (oh dear); it's not going to be very cold so don't worry about Michelin Man-style winter coats (but I just borrowed one!). I even suggested we do a Blogathon; if we want to join in, we evidently have to arrange it ourselves.

I think he thinks I'm a maniac. I'm sure everyone thinks that.

So it's about...exactly a week before I fly off. And start on this unfathomable journey. I'm still freaking out. But hopefully everything will be sorted out soon.

(Just a note - hello everyone reading this! Whether from Livejournal, Petaling Street, or wherever, Firstly, feel free to pass the word about this journal, as long as you credit it to me, Tiara. Secondly, please comment! I'd love to read your feedback.

There is someone in particular whom I hope is reading this. If you own a giant pillow in the shape of your favourite vegetable - because I gave you one - and you're readng this, please let me know.

Thanks everyone.)
tiaramerchgirl: (Default)
Earlier today I received email from someone named Rob at WorldSmart. He introduced himself as part of the Road Staff crew for the August 2005 semester, and told us that they will be calling us within the next couple of weeks (since there are really only a couple of weeks left) to check if we still have any questions and to see how we're doing.

Oh, we definitely have questions. How much can we bring? Do I have to bring something cultural? Is food OK? What will I do if I freak out and have another panic attack? Who are my host families? Is there something we must bring at any cost? Do we have to read up on anything? Will there be a test? Do I need to learn another language within the next few days?

Of course, some of these could have been answered through The Handbook. However, The Handbook has yet to show up here, and I'm not entirely sure if it's still hiding somewhere in Cyberia, or if the Malaysian postal workers have decided to take a hold on it for "on-the-job reading". The nearest thing to The Handbook was a scan of the Things To Pack list, thanks to the Japan office.

Wow, even WorldSmart is involved in file-sharing.

While we all await those phonecalls and the arrival of The Handbook, we are invited to join the YahooGroup set up as part of the "pre-course". For the next two weeks or so, we'll be talking to each other, figuring out who exactly will be sitting next to us on the plane (well maybe not that specific), and grouping up to do homework.

Yes, we haven't even started on our trip yet and we already have homework.

Our first assignment is about similarities and differences - we have to find 2 other people, form a group, and discuss the similarities and differences amongst ourselves. From there, we analyse the common themes presented and talk about how this will affect WorldSmart, our trip, and the world in general.

To find members, you'll need to take the initiative to email those you're interested in and ask them to join your group. Already I'm having a bit of trouble with this. See, 99% of the time, when it comes to a group assignment (or any other group task):

(a) I end up doing it alone because everyone else is lazy
(b) I end up doing it alone because I can't find anyone else to join me
(c) I end up doing it alone because I've already anticipated (a) and (b) and don't want to subject myself to too much trouble

I am seriously hoping that my activities in WorldSmart don't end up being Yet Another One Tiara Show. I've emailed some people, and one of the people I've emailed tells me that she's already got a group. And no one's emailed me personally yet. Dang.

I've now offered myself to three other people; let's see if any of them respond favourably. Now if some strange twist of fate happens and all three of them say "yes", then I'll be in a sticky situation. Oh dear.

While I wait, let me tell you a little about the rest of the people in my group. To my utter surprise, there is a participant from Singapore and another from Indonesia. Wow, so I'm not the only South East Asian going. I wonder if they received any mention in their media for being practically the first from their countries to participate...then again, if record-setting-mad Malaysia ignored me, I'm not sure how the other two would fare.

Hello, Reuben and Yogo. Can't wait to meet up with you and discuss the merits of sambal and durian while nattering to each other in various manglings of Bahasa.

We have people representing Taiwan, Mexico, Belgium, Denmark, Netherlands, Korea, Puerto Rico, Kenya, and of course USA and Japan. And there's more coming soon. People are just starting to speak up; hopefully the list will be a lot more active in the coming days. (Especially since we have homework.)

Will we get along? Will there be sudden cliques, deliberately or not? Will there be in-jokes? Will we fall madly in love at first sight (or email), get married, have 19 children, and credit the wedding to WorldSmart? What will happen?

Who knows for sure; this is really just the beginning.


tiaramerchgirl: (Default)
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